i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
