I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
