I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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