he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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