We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
