I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
