Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
