Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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