then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
