I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
