Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We need to get me chipped asap
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
