Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
