Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
