I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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