what day is it and did you see me today?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
