What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So. Much. Porn.
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