I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
