Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
