she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
