I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
