im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
