he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
