I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i think my cat just said my name.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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