Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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