NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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