I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
