I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
