i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
