We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize