So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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