So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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