I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
