oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
