alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
