Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
