I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
