i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Green mimosas i think yes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
