that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
