the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
