it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
