My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
