Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
