mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
