I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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