Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
