it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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