yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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