i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
