her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize