Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
