do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
