Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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