I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just found puke in my bra..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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