Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
