I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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