her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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