you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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