chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
