Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
