He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
