no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
