how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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