The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
