I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
