Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
