Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
