How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
