I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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