i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
