I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
