Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
