he referred to my room as the tit cave...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
