For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
