Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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