saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize