If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
