I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were destined to go to rehab together
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize