I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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