I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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