I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
