we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize