He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
