If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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