before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
