everyone is single if you try hard enough
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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