i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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