Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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