he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
