i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
