well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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