Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
