she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
