his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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