Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
