just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
