my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
