Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
