i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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