Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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