Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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