She's JV to your varsity
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
