then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize