I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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